Dear Abby: A Lifetime of Turmoil with Daughter, Neighbor, and Boyfriend

18:04 19.08.2023

In today's news, we have a variety of issues and concerns that readers have sought advice on from Abby, also known as Jeanne Phillips. Our first story comes from Discordant in Colorado, who is in a relationship with a minister. While she acknowledges that he is a kind and loving partner, their differences in politics and religion have become a constant source of conflict. She shares how he quotes the Bible frequently and believes that she will go to hell if she doesn't follow the word of God daily. This constant preaching has become exhausting for her, and she wonders if there is any hope for their relationship.

Abby responds by emphasizing the importance of communication, mutual respect, and boundaries in successful relationships. She suggests that while some couples are able to navigate their political and religious differences, these are often topics that cause marriages to fail. Abby advises Discordant to consider whether her partner can accept her for who she is and refrain from trying to change her. If he cannot, she recommends keeping him as a friend and nothing more.

Our second story features a gay man from South Carolina who is struggling with his partner over the thermostat. He explains that his partner is constantly cold and insists on keeping the temperature at 75 degrees, while he finds this uncomfortably hot. He has suggested that his partner use more covers or clothing to stay warm, but his partner believes he is being unreasonable. Seeking advice, he asks how he can communicate that his partner can cover up to be comfortable, while he cannot uncover any more.

Abby reassures him that he has already communicated rationally with his husband. She suggests offering him the option of using a heating pad or a dual-control electric blanket to keep warm at night. Another option would be to sleep in separate bedrooms to ensure that both individuals can get the sleep they need. Abby emphasizes the importance of sleep for both parties and suggests finding a solution that works for both of them.

Moving on to our third story, a tenant in Michigan seeks advice on how to deal with the noise from the lady who lives above them. When the tenant moved into their apartment, they specifically asked the landlord if the tenant above them was quiet, and were assured that they were. However, they soon discovered that the lady upstairs watches her grandsons and another boy, resulting in constant stomping noises throughout the weekend. When the tenant tapped the ceiling to indicate the noise was too loud, the lady called the landlord and complained. The tenant is unsure whether to grin and bear it or confront the lady upstairs.

Abby responds by suggesting that the tenant consult a real estate attorney to get out of their lease. She points out that the landlord misled them by assuring them that the tenants above were quiet. Abby reassures the tenant that they do not have to live in such conditions, and that their daughter should not be blaming them or siding with the person causing the problem.

Our fourth story revolves around a godmother from Massachusetts who is estranged from her goddaughter. The godmother explains that she had promised her goddaughter that she would be the maid of honor at her wedding, but ended up having a commitment ceremony instead due to her fiance's diagnosis of Huntington's disease. The godmother feels bad for not explaining the change of plans to her goddaughter right away, and is now unsure how to reach out to her.

Abby advises the godmother to write a letter to her goddaughter explaining the legitimate reason behind the change of plans. She suggests apologizing for the delay in contacting her and expressing her delight upon hearing about her forthcoming wedding. Abby encourages the godmother to take the first step towards reconciliation and hope that her goddaughter responds positively.

Moving on to our fifth story, a mother from West Virginia seeks advice on how to handle her daughter's troubled relationship. She explains that her daughter has made a series of bad choices and failed relationships, including having a baby with a high school dropout and violent drug abuser. Despite their efforts to help their daughter and protect her, she has repeatedly returned to her toxic relationship. The mother is heartbroken and wonders if there is any hope for peace in their family.

Abby advises the mother to either tell others that her daughter is back with her boyfriend without disclosing the details of his behavior, or to simply say that they are estranged. She assures the mother that she does not have to go into further detail about the situation. Abby also suggests that at some point, the daughter may decide to reunite with the family, but it may take time and potentially a wake-up call such as her boyfriend's abuse towards their child.

Our final story focuses on a retired couple from the Carolinas who have recently noticed that many retired couples and singles in their community are extremely competitive and often engage in one-upmanship. They find it challenging to connect with these individuals and seek advice on how to navigate these relationships.

Abby advises the couple to maintain their relationships with the few individuals who can hold conversations without bragging. She suggests being sociable with everyone but spending less time with those who engage in one-upmanship. Abby explains that most people who behave this way do so out of insecurity. She recommends enlarging their social circle and cultivating relationships with people who share similar values.

And that concludes today's news item featuring the combined texts seeking advice from Abby. Remember, successful relationships require communication, compromise, and mutual respect.

/ Saturday, August 19, 2023, 6:04 PM /

themes:  Michigan  Virginia  Massachusetts  Colorado  South Carolina  West Virginia

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